ხელოვანი ქალების საზოგადოება _ 1963 წელი (ნაწყვეტი დაიან ვუდ მიდლბრუკის ბიოგრაფიულ რომან ,,ენ სექსტონიდან")

      1963 wlisTvis en seqstoni ukve damkvidrda amerikis literaturul asparezze, rogorc axali, angariSgasawevi poeti. Semdegi aTi wlis ganmavlobaSi igi miiRebs im prizebis, jildoebis, sapatio wodebebisa da stipendiebis umetesobas, romelTa mopovebac im droisaTvis amerikel poets SeeZlo, xolo misi Semdegi wigni _ ,,rCeuli leqsebi”, romelsac oqsfordis universitetis gamomcemloba beWdavs, mis Semoqmedebas britaneTSic moutans avtorisaTvis friad sasiamovno aRiarebas. warmatebebis mauwyebelma baraTebma zedized daiwyes cvena qlearuoTeris quCis 40 nomeri saxlis safosto yuTSi ianvris dasawyisisaTvis, rodesac gamomcemloba ,,houTon miflinis~ redaqtorma seqstons axara, rom ,,yvela Cemi saunje~ wignis erovnuli dajildoebis nominantTa siaSi moxvda. martSi poetma Seityo, rom man fordis fondis granti miiRo, raTa TeatrisTvis emuSava; am grantis uwindeli mflobelebi enToni heTCi da robert loueli gaxldnen (,,bum, bum,  bum, _ SemosZaxa Cemma gulma, _ es xom uamravi fulia!” _ Tqva Semdeg seqstonma).

      da mainc, yvelaze mniSvnelovani sargebeli, rac ,,yvela Cemi saunjis” wyalobiT SeeZlo mieRo poets, gaxldaT xelovnebisa da literaturis amerikuli akademiis mier dafinansebuli samogzauro stipendia, 6500 dolari, romelic mas erTi weli sazRvargareT gatarebis saSualebas miscemda. seqstoni pirveli iyo, vinc am jildoze waradgines, xolo gamarjvebuli ki maisSi gaxdeboda cnobili. miscemdnen ki?

      rogorc Cans, warmdgen komitets mSvenivrad Seeswavla enis warsuli, maT Soris isic, rom seqstons ar miuRia mniSvnelovani formaluri ganaTleba da miT umetes, arasodes yofila samogzaurod _ swored am ori mizezis gamo es jildo misTvis zedgamoWrilad CaTvales. komitetis wevrebi verc ki warmoidgendnen im pirvel, impulsur reaqcias, romelic seqstons am ambis gagonebisas hqonda: man Tavi kuTxeSi mimwyvdeulad igrZno. eni xom amis meaTedi droiTac ki ver datovebda ojaxs, Tumca amxela pativze uaris Tqma Rimilismomgvrel sisuleled moeCvena. igi manam Cioda da mosTqvamda qmris gasagonad, sanam man colis gasaocrad ar Tqva, rom, misi azriT, aseTi Sansi cxovrebaSi erTxel eZleva adamians da amitom ens uari ar unda eTqva amaze. sabolood, gegmebi ase dalagda: seqstoni am fuls gauyofda sendi rouberts, romelic ganviTarebas CamorCenil bavSvebTan muSaobis sababiT miatovebda samsaxurs. eni imogzaurebda rogorc poeti, xolo sendi sazRvargareTul sulierad avadmyofTa klinikebs moinaxulebda. isini zafxulis bolos gaemgzavrebodnen.

      maisisaTvis ,,Cemma yvela saunjem” sayovelTao aRfrTovaneba da miTqma-moTqma gamoiwvia _ seqstons interviuebi CamoarTva adgilobrivma presam, radiom da televiziam. xelovnebisa da literaturis amerikulma akademiam niu-iorkSi didi wveuleba moawyo, romelzedac gamoacxada, rom samogzauro stipendiiT dajildovda ,,en seqstonis unikaluri, individualizmiT gajerebuli, yvelasagan gansxvavebuli Semoqmedeba, romelSic sityvisa da koncefciis mgznebareba da sicxade Serwymulia uCveulo musikalurobasTan.” amas mohyva robert louelisa da elizabeT harduikis mier dagegmili miRebebi viwro wrisaTvis, romelzedac niu-iorkis naRebma literaturulma sazogadoebam moiyara Tavi: lilian helmani, stenli kunici, merien muri da ase Semdeg. seqstoni ,,houTon miflinis” sareklamo agents exumreboda, rom ise mieCvia mdidrebTan da cnobilebTan Tavisi wignis egzemplariT, rogorc Sokoladis yuTiT xeldamSvenebuls evlo, ar iqneboda urigo, erTi cali Jaklin kenedisTvisac gaegzavna TeTr saxlSi: ,,ganaTlebuli vinmea, Tanac qalia, dedaa, masac xom moukvda mama? garda amisa, qmari masaCusetseli yavs.”

      Tumca dajildoebis ceremonialis warmodgenam seqstons isev aubnia Tavgza:

_ sanam citatebs waikiTxaven, scenaze unda vidge, _ uTxra man eqim orns, _ leqss rom vambobde, Tavdajerebulad avidodi scenaze da sanam bolomde CavikiTxavdi, yvela Cems ferxTiT iqneboda. magram iq ZegliviT  dgoma?! da mere kidev didi koqteilis wveuleba! (,,da ra moxdeba, Tu Seirxevi? _ gaukvirda eqim orns, _ kargi manerebisTvis gaZleven jildos?”). seqstoni xvdeboda, rom mas xalxisaTvis gankuTvnili ori mkveTrad gansxvavebuli rolidan erT-erTi unda aerCia _ an patara gogonasi, an vampiris. bavSvis roli zedgamoWrili iyo Sin interviuebis Casawerad: ,,rodesac ,,boston gloubis” Jurnalisti movida, me patara gogosaviT gamowyobili davxvdi: ,,fexSiSveli, sul sxvanairi _ varaudic ar SeeZlo, rogori sxeuli SeiZleboda mqonoda.” magram niu-iorkisTvis man sul sxvanairi kostumi SearCia _ tvidis moiisfro pijaki, mis SigniT ki kiserze TasmiT Sekruli, uzurgo da umklavebo topi: ,,mowiTalo-iisferi, Rrmad gulamoWrili da Sokismomgvreli; lifs zonrebis gareSe Cavicvam; topi zurgze welamde iqneba moxsnili. yvelaferi kargad davgegme. rogorc ki cotas Sevxurdebi, pijaks gaviZrob.” seqstoni amtkicebda, rom Tuki ganizraxavda, adamianebisTvis Tavisi namdvili saxe eCvenebina, patara gogosaviT Cacmuli da uqulso fexsacmelebiani gamoCndeboda maT winaSe: ,,roca patara gogod viqcevi xolme, sxeuli aRar maqvs! ver avxsni, magram asea.”

            ramdenime adamianis fsiqologiuri gverdSi dgoma exmareboda seqstons, am etapze ,,patara gogona’’ daeTrguna, TumcaRa gansakuTrebul mxardaWeras igi mainc Tavisi redklifis instituteli kolegebisgan iRebda. orives, masac da kuminsac, 1962-63 saswavlo wlis meore semestrSi leqciebis kursi misces. momdevno seqtemberSi ki kidev erTi sayrdeni gauCnda san-franciskoeli mwerlis, tili olsenis saxiT, romlis Semoqmedebasac seqstoni ukve icnobda: misi moTxroba ,,gamocana miTxari” 1960 wels seqstonis ,,jigis cekvis” gverdiT daibeWda ,,niu uorld raiTingSi”. ,,gamocana miTxarim” myisve daikava adgili seqstonisTvis wmindaTawminda teqstebs Soris. arc olseni datova gulgrili seqstonis nawarmoebma, poetis suraTi ,,sagiJeTis” ukana ydidan amoWra da saweri magidis zemoT kedelze gaakra tolstois, hardis, uitmenis, kolviCis  da sxva ,,qomagTa da msajulTa” suraTebis mxardamxar.

ormocdaaTi wlis olseni redklifSi yvelaze ufrosi iyo, garda amisa, igi sruliad gansxvavebul socialur garemoSi cxovrobda. cota xanSi man aRmoaCina, rom jon Civeris personaJebis msgavsad, TiTqmis yvela redklifeli swavluli fsiqoanalizis seansebze dadioda da iziarebda qalTa Sesaxeb Seqmnil Teoriebs, romlebic saTaves froidis anda adamianuri motivaciis amxsneli sxva maskulinuri moZRvrebebisagan iRebdnen. gansakuTrebul midrekilebas froidistuli ideebis mimarT maqsin kumini iCenda. Tavis saleqcio kursSi igi froids ganixilavda da surda, rom misi megobrebic aRfrTovanebulni yofiliyvnen naSromebiT _ ,,civilizacia da misi xarvezebi” da ,,ego da pirovneba”. magram, rodesac im wels beti fredinis ,,qaluri mistika” gamoica, romelmac institutSi azrTa didi sxvadasxvaoba gamoiwvia, wignis avtoriseulma fsiqoanalizis kritikam kuminis azrovnebaSi revoluciuri gardatexa gamoiwvia. mogvianebiT igi seqstons swerda:

,,mokled, am ,,qalur mistikas” xelidan ver vagdeb. vgiJdebi am mweralze. zusti, zusti, zusti [...] bolo sami wlis gadasaxedidan, rac am axalbeda studentebs vaswavli, vxvdebi, rom yvelaferSi marTalia: apaTia, gulgrili damokidebuleba nebismieri abstraqtuli ideisadmi, calmxrivi ganviTareba _ kacis Sebmisa da bavSvebis keTebis sufTa dedakacuri miswrafeba _ sxva maT araferi amoZravebT. magram yvelaze magari mainc ,,zigmund froidis seqsualuri solifsizmia” [...] me saerTod ver vitan froidizms.”

seqstonis msgavsad, arc olsens hqonda kolejis diplomi, Tumca stenfordis universitetSi weris kursi mihyavda _ romanist riCard skoukrofis asistenti gaxldaT. mas da seqstons kidev erTi saidumloc akavSirebdaT, modidan gadasuli poetebis siyvaruli: ,,Carlz riveris sanapiroze davseirnobdiT, Semodgomisgan fernacvali Wadrebis CrdilSi; maSin pirvelad vatarebdi Semodgomas axal inglisSi, _ ixsenebs olseni, _ me sara tisdeilis strofi wavukiTxe da enma miTxra: ,,ese igi, Senc giyvars misi leqsebi! magram icode, aravisTan, aravisTan wamogcdes!” ,,ra xdeba?” _ vkiTxe me. da man miambo, rom erTxel holmsis jgufSi wamouroSavs, sara tisdeili momwonso da iqve gaunaTlebiaT, rom tisdeili araraoba iyo... ase SevyeviT saubars Cveni cxovrebis poetebis Sesaxeb. aRaraferi gvqonda dasamali da samarcxvino. erTmaneTis TvalSi sara tisdeilisa da edna sent vinsent mileis siyvaruli verafers gvaklebda.”

gansakuTrebulad axlo kavSiri seqstons barbara suonTan hqonda, igi erT-erTi gaxldaT im or mxatvarTagan, romlebic suonis qiliknarevi terminiT ,,naReb sazogadoebas”, anu redklifel swavlulTa pirvel nakads miekuTvnebodnen. suoni adamianebs xatavda da ise ecnoboda. ,,eni mzeTunaxavi iyo da me jiutad vcdilobdi, Cavwvdomodi, ra iyo am mSvenieri saxis miRma, _ ixsenebs igi, _ veraferi Seedreba moments, rodesac portretis xatvisas adamianis Sinagan samyaros xsni. sasaciloa, magram es cotaTi fsiqoanalitikosTan vizits hgavs. me vsvam kiTxvebs da Cemi menatureebi uceb CemTvis da Tavad maTTvisac moulodneli kuTxiT amJRavneben Tavebs da es imis bralia, rom ician, viRac akvirdeba maT.” droTa ganmavlobaSi, rodesac isini damegobrdnen, suonma ramdenime Jurnal-gazeTisTvis seqstonis portreti Seqmna da tili olsenis azriT, yvelaze namdvili enisakenac gaigno gza: ,,iSviaTad Tu minaxavs qalebs Soris iseTi mSvenieri urTierToba, rogoric barbarasa da ens hqondaT, _ ambobda olseni, _ barbaras gverdiT eni uaRresad bunebrivi xdeboda, albaT, aseTi Tavis SvilebTan Tu iyo. barbara sxva samyaros binadaria”.

redklifSi yofnisas seqstonma suonis erT-erTi adreuli liTografia, ,,musikosebi” iyida da Tavis kabinetSi Camokida. suraTze ori kaci ukravs sasule instrumentebze, ,,ukana fonze ki iseTi ukuneTia, rac ginda, SegiZlia is warmoidgino, _ xumrobda suoni, _ gulaxdilad rom giTxraT, eqsperimentebs vatarebdi liTografiis faqturaze.“ seqstonma ki am namuSevars leqsi miuZRvna _ piris Rrudan xelaxla dabadebis mouxelTebel fantaziaze agebuli _ SesaZloa, es fsiqoTerapiis metaforac iyoso, _ kuminma ivarauda. madlieri suoni aRfrTovanda, gaaogna seqtonis namuSevarma: ,,eni Cems samyaroSi tornadosaviT Semobzrialda; iqauroba ariv-daria, aazanzara, demoniviT daepatrona yvelafers. rasakvirvelia, me Wkua davkarge am leqsze.“ barbara suonis saxiT seqstonma, meri greis sityvebiT rom vTqvaT, Tavisi msgavsi ,,radio-telefoni” ipova. am orma xelovanma wlebis manZilze mravaljer iTanamSromla, sxvaTa Soris, barbara suons ekuTvnis seqstonis krebulebis: ,,icocxle an mokvdi”, ,,sigiJis wigni” da ,,sikvdilis ubis wignakebi“ yda da posterebi, ,,transformaciebis” ilustraciebi.

1963 wlis 12 Tebervals amerikuli gazeTebi oriode fraziT iuwyebodnen, rom londonSi poeti silvia plaTi gardaicvala. bostonelebisTvis ki es gulTan misatani ambavi iyo da bostonis literaturul wreebSi didi miTqma-moTqma gamoiwvia. TumcaRa sikvdilis mizezad pirvelad pnevmonia daasaxeles, zogierTi eWvobda, rom es TviTmkvleloba iyo da iyo kidec: plaTi asfiqsiiT daiRupa, gazis RumelSi TavSerguli. ramdenimes yuri moekra, rom ted hiuzi viRac sxva qalTan wasuliyo da umetesoba am TviTmkvlelobas berZnuli tragediis Targze gamoWril, paTetikur da Tavzardamcem SurisZiebad aRiqvamda. isini, vinc plaTis bolo xanebis Semoqmedebas icnobdnen, kidev ufro gaognebulni iyvnen, rom man swored maSin daasrula sicocxle, rodesac sakuTari ganuzomeli, yvelasagan gansxvavebuli poeturi niWi bolomde gaacnobiera.

seqstonis Soki kidev ufro piraduli iyo, vinaidan plaTis iSviaTi, magram megobruli werilebi cxovrebis sixaruliT savse Canda: ,,sofelSi davsaxldi fridasa [plaTis qaliSvili] da 6 Tvis Zalian sayvarel vaJTan, nikolasTan, erTad, skebs vuvli, kartofili momyavs da xandaxan bi-bi-sisTvis CarTvebs vakeTeb.” 1963 wlisTvis plaTs yvela is ambicia hqonda axdenili, romlis Sesaxebac is da seqstoni oTxi wlis win, louelis gakveTilebis Semdeg ricSi, sasmelis TanxlebiT laparakobdnen: inglisSi cxovrobda da dedobas, diasaxlisobasa da mwerlis karieras mSvenivrad uTavsebda erTmaneTs. aseTi ambiciebi stabilur janmrTelobas moiTxovs adamianisagan, xolo plaTisagan aseve iTxovdnen uari eTqva sastik midrekilebaze, midrekilebaze, romelsac seqstoni xorciel ltolvas adarebda _ es iyo TviTmkvlelobisadmi midrekileba. plaTis sikvdilis cnobam maTi wlebiswinandeli saubrebis tkbili mogonebebi gauRviZa, romelTaganac man leqsi gamoadno, saTauriT ,,silvias sikvdili” da Semdeg memuarebSidac aRwera.

plaTis sikvdilma daasevdiana seqstoni, magram amasTanave sikvdilis is survilic amoutivtiva, arasdrosac rom ar yofila mis arsebaSi Rrmad Camarxuli. TviTmkveleloba, _ daaskvna man, _ narkotiks hgavs: ,,narkomans ar SeuZlia axsnas, ratom unda narkotikis miReba; ar arsebobs WeSmariti mizezi, _ uTxra man eqim orns (seqstonis fsiqiatri _ mTargm. Sen.). eqimi SeewinaaRmdega: _ ,,rogor ar arsebobs: narkotiki damokidebulebas iwvevs.” ,,TviTmkvlelobis survilic asevea,” _ SeniSna seqstonma, magaliTad ki Tavisi megobari silvia plaTi moiyvana: ,,mas TviTmkvleloba sisxlSi hqonda. zustad ise, rogorc _ me. iseve, rogorc mraval Cvengans. ubralod, Cven gagvimarTla, ar varT ayolili am survils da raRac Tu viRac gvaiZulebs, vicocxloT.” seqstonis fsiqiur mdgomareobas im periodSi amyarebda redklifis institutis xelovan qalebTan misi bednieri TanamSromloba, axali SemoqmedebiTi SesaZleblobebi da performeris niWi, romelic sul ufro da ufro did auditorias izidavda, magram plaTis sikvdilma igi misi Zveli akviatebisagan gamowveul TviTganadgurebis damyayebul WaobSi daabruna: ,,silvias sikvdili ar masvenebs, _ uTxra man eqim orns, _ mec imaves Cadenis survils miCens! man Cemi kuTvnili miiTvisa. es sikvdili Cemi iyo! ra Tqma unda, misic, magram Cven orive vcdilobdiT misgan Tavis daRwevas, rogorc Tqven cdilobT sigaretis mowevas daaneboT Tavi.”